Thrifty, Cheap or Freeloader?

With the economy hitting people hard, thrifty is no longer a bad word, and it’s become a valued characteristic in a future partner for many people who are realizing that overspending today can lead to going broke tomorrow. Of course in good or bad financial times there are those men that are always those people that are just plain cheap, or even those that are all take and fall into the freeloader category.




So where do we draw these lines among thrifty, cheap and the dreaded freeloader? Let’s take a look at some of the most common money related love dilemmas that are being posted on LuvemOrLeavem and how to determine which category these problems fall into. To be fair to the guys, there are plenty of women out there that use men as a personal piggy bank, so when a man says enough to these women, he is well within his rights to tell her that the spending has got to stop.



Who pays for the date and how much should it cost? Based on other posts about dating and who should pay, most of my readers felt that the person who is doing the asking should pay. Most people also felt that after several dates that the woman should also expect to pay for some of the dates. This is where things seem to get tricky, especially if the woman makes more than the man.



I don’t have a problem with either one paying, but I do think that whoever suggests a very expensive date should be the one to pay for that date unless the person who asked made it clear that money was not an issue when it came to choosing where they would go. I don’t think that merely being the one to ask for the date should put you on the hook for paying for a restaurant that has 5 dollar signs after its listing. On the flip side, if his idea of a date is taking you to a place where they ask if you want to “supersize it” then yes, he is being cheap.



Scaling back on the big day- This current is economy is proving to be very stressful for couples that are planning weddings. Like the dating scenarios, the person who wants to do the spending often thinks that the person who wants to scale back on spending is being cheap. Couples are looking at cutting back on everything from engagement rings to the actual cost of the wedding, and sometimes it’s hard not to feel that this means that this all important day is being given less importance.



For this one, I think that the big key is if these cutbacks are in line with cutting back on other aspects of your lifestyle. For example, if he’s already cutting back on his spending and you get a diamond that is smaller than what you envisioned, then that is perfectly fine. It used to be common that couples started out with a small engagement ring that they would upgrade at a later anniversary. The assumption was that there would be a lifetime of anniversaries to upgrade, so it’s rather romantic when you look at it that way. Of course, if he has money for a big screen TV and an Italian sportscar and he can’t find the cash for the kind of ring that you would like then that is a whole different story.



All take and no give- Even if he does tend to lean more towards the cheap side than the thrifty side, that doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. He may seem to have plenty or money now but may feel that a layoff is looming in the future and may just have not shared that with you, so sometimes you may need to give him some time. The one type of person who doesn’t need time is the type that only takes and never gives. This person not only never pays, but will often have the “money is no object” attitude to you paying. This person is definitely a freeloader and the sooner you identify this one, the better.



Moving in together (the ultimate freeloader)- If you ask someone to move in with you, then presumably you want to take that relationship to the next level. If you are the one that is being asked to share your place, then you need to take a good look at why your partner is suggesting this move. We have had quite a bit of love dilemmas posted where the request to move in has been accompanied by the words “I need a place to stay.” No matter how wonderful you think that he or she is, this is a huge red flag. When someone wants to move in with you because they need a place to stay it is time to not only say no to the request, but it is time to say no to the relationship.



So,when trying to decide between thrifty and cheap, we often need to look beyond single actions to see what someone’s financial picture looks like and what other things they are cutting back on in their lives. The freeloader category is a little easier to assess, since these relationships are for the most part all take and no give. Remember, thrifty is good, you may or may not want to give someone who is cheap a chance, but freeloaders should be cut loose as soon as they are identified.