Can You Keep Your Male Friends and Your Boyfriend?

Every woman and man has had to deal with that friend that never seems to have time for you once they’re in a relationship. Usually we learn to balance our time between friends and lovers so that every time we’re in a new relationship it doesn’t mean that our other friendships have to end. The one type of friendship that often can’t survive a relationship is a friendship with the opposite sex.




For the purpose of this discussion I’m strictly talking about friendships that have always been platonic, not a friendship that you may have with someone where the relationship was once a romantic one. If you are the type of woman who has always had many male friends, you will probably find that over time you have less and less male friends the longer that you remain in a relationship. There’s just something about long term relationships that seem to destroy friendships with men much more than they affect our friendships with women. Here are many of the reasons that I’ve seen that make it difficult to maintain friendships with men.



Jealousy- Many men get jealous of their girlfriends spending time with male friends. Sometimes this jealousy in unfounded, and the friendship is one where there is no attraction on either side. In some circumstances, there is merit to this jealousy. I’ve known women that have been oblivious to the fact that the male friend that they view almost as a brother, is clearly attracted to them. They may not notice this, but the men that they’re dating realize it as soon as they meet they guy.



Public Opinion- Some men at first have no problem with a woman having male friends, especially if he has met the friend and feels confident that there is no secret attraction. The acceptance of this friendship usually falls by the wayside the longer the relationship progresses. This is especially true after the first time he is asked where his girlfriend is and his answer that she is out with a male friend is met with snickering and raised eyebrows. No matter how much relationships between men and women have changed, many people really don’t believe that men and women can be friends, and the court of public opinion does have an influence over whether you continue friendships with your male friends.



Polar Opposites- I know many women that are optimistic about their boyfriend and their male friends becoming one big happy group of friends. The problem with this almost across the board seems to be that the men that we choose as friends are totally different than the men that we choose for a romantic relationship. It’s not necessarily that these two types of men dislike each other, it’s just that they are too vastly different to become friends.



So, if you still have lots of male friends, odds are that you’re not in a serious relationship, or that if you are you haven’t been in one for very long. That doesn’t mean that you’ll have to give up your male friendships the second your relationship becomes serious, but you will probably notice that over time they just fade away. I’m not a big believer in men “forcing” women to get rid of their male friends, but for most couples it’s not realistic to maintain those opposite sex friendship the longer they stay in a serious romantic relationship.