Ladies, Never Ask Your Ex To 'Stay Friends'

Many of us have been there before, that bittersweet moment at the end of a relationship where you know it's over and there's basically nothing that can be done to save it. So you mentally prepare yourself to part ways for good, to return to the single life, dust yourself off and go back out on the prowl.




And then she says, "But we'll still be friends.", and some of that sudden separation anxiety goes away. You start thinking that in some way or another, you'll still be a significant part of each other's lives, only you won't really. In fact, they might be the most hollow words anyone can ever speak.



I'm sure there are plenty of guys guilty of these words as well, but in my experience, it's always been the female side that does the grasping for some kind of friendship, and I'm here to tell you it has to stop.



I'll be fair, though. It's certainly a nice sentiment, the idea of keeping in touch and maintaining a different kind of relationship with a person you once loved. In some cases these kinds of friendships can even work, given the right amount of time and distance. However, right after a break-up is never the time to ask a guy to stay friends.



Here's why:



-It stifles his very manhood. By not cutting him off, you're giving him an excuse to linger and not get back out on the playing field. If you were the one who wanted him gone in the first place, asking him to be friends defeats that purpose entirely.



-It gives him false hope. Again, if it wasn't mutual, asking to stay friends is a surefire way of making him think he's still got a shot somewhere down the line. It gives him all the reason he needs to call, text, email, or whatever. Unless you're a glutton for punishment, I doubt you want a heartbroken guy trying to be your buddy 24/7.



-If he's stupid enough to actually agree to being friends, it makes both of you look weak. He looks weak because he didn't have the balls to say no to you, and you look weak because you were too scared to cut him off completely. It's also basically an admission that you still need him in some way.



-It's really just a delaying tactic. Once one or both of you finds a new significant other, are you really going to remain friends? Unless enough time has passed that you're both really over each other, probably not. In the end, you're not likely to remain friends anyway, so why put it off?



-Just because it makes you feel like a good person doesn't mean you're a good person. It seems like the kind thing to do, doesn't it, to be kind to someone even after you've dealt them a severe emotional blow? Go ahead, pat yourself on the back for doing a good deed. In reality, all it does is prolong the break-up period for both of you.



So guys, here's my ultimate advice in this situation: cut yourself off completely. That means deleting numbers, emails, screen names, de-friending, you name it. It'll hurt for a while, but not as much as playing party to a phony friendship.



Have you ever been asked by an ex to 'stay friends'?